Ira Goldman-Inventor of the Knee Defender

Goldman and cabin mate share pleasantries

If you think this is cramped, you should see economy

This guy’s device has been around for more than a decade, but recently it caused a dispute between passengers that forced a United flight to divert to the nearest airport and eject the unruly pair. Ira’s gadget is a pair of U-Shaped clips that can be placed over the supports for the tray table on the back of the seat in front of you.  If you’re still following along – this keeps the passenger in front from reclining his seat a bit. Purchasers of the “Knee Defender” claim it’s their right to protect their – well – their knees of course. While the passenger in front has purchased a reclining seat and feels he deserves to recline whenever he or she wants to. Since the Federal Aviation Administration and most airlines prohibit the use of Ira’s device, he must wear the “Jerk” label. But, the true jerks are the airlines that honestly believe passengers should actually be sitting inside the assholes of whoever is sitting in front of them to further minimize space requirements and maximize profits.

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To Whom It May Concern

little child at firing range

if only…

This despicable jerk is anyone who decides to teach a 9-year-old how to shoot a submachine gun. Even Steven Howard, the gun expert who runs American Firearms & Munitions Consulting, is quoted saying, “Teaching people machine gun 101, even with adults, even with people going through military training, the first few times they shoot machine guns you don’t have them shoot a full freaking clip.” If only the parents of the 9 year old who accidentally shot and killed her instructor at the “Bullets and Burgers” shooting range in Arizona had chosen the burgers. If only there had been a simple .22 single shot rifle on which to learn. If only the NRA would go back to emphasizing safety programs instead of lobbying politicians. If only…

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Governor Rick Perry

Rick poses for his yearbook picture

Better hope he don’t get the hangin’ judge-after all, it is Texas.

Since the title “Despicable Jerk” is a prerequisite for entering politics, Governor Perry’s image does not appear here because he threatened to cut funds to a Texas county attorney arrested for drunk driving who happened to be a Democrat. His image – which is vastly superior to the mug shot taken when he was arrested for coercing a publicly elected official into leaving office – is here for a more simple reason. When asked if he remembered the two Republican county attorneys in Texas whose DUI arrests and convictions he ignored during his tenure, Perry failed to use the same stupid – yet humorous and endearing — phrase he employed when he couldn’t recall which three agencies of government he would eliminate as president. “I can’t. Sorry. Oops.” Even the most fervent supporters of the Texas governor had to shake their heads in private and say, “Dumb sumbitch.”

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Stanley Hatchittman-Bad Debt Collector

It ain't Avon calling.

Who needs to huff and puff when you have a baseball bat?

Stanley is a rapacious and vile human who preys on the indigent with indignity in which he seems to revel. On a par with the jerks who run those payday loan firms, Stanley is often the guy who is hired by those very firms to collect whatever he can from the ill-informed folks who have trouble making ends meet and are not very savvy about all matters financial. Stanley’s most reprehensible clients are the “good folks” who turn their bad debts over to him rather than trying just a bit harder to make reasonable arrangements for repayment. When it comes to harassment good old Stan is like the line in The Terminator: “It absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead.” Even then Stanley will undoubtedly harass the debtors right up to the point he threatens to drag their lifeless bodies from their funeral home coffins and grind them up as fertilizer for sale to the highest bidder.

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Hawkeye Senate Candidates

Hawkeye candidates prove that there's no such thing as a good politician

They’re running. So are we.

Democrat Bruce Braley and Republican Joni Ernst both grew up on Iowa farms and they are now busy trying to “out-jerk” each other in the Iowa U.S. Senate race. Braley threatened to sue his own Holiday Lake Owner’s Association because a neighbor’s chicken trespassed on his vacation property. A frickin’ Chicken — In Iowa for heavens-to-Betsy sakes. The owner of the trespassing chicken is a fellow Democrat and is upset Braley didn’t just call her to settle the matter neighbor to neighbor. Meantime. Ernst opened her campaign saying, “I grew up castrating hogs on an Iowa farm.” Not since Christine O’Donnell declared, “I am not a witch,” in Delaware’s 2010 senate contest has there been such glee among late night comedians. While castrating pigs is a necessary duty to be sure, is Ernst also making a lightly veiled threat to separate the “nuts” from the swine overwhelming the Federal bureaucracy? In any event, this is also the best Jerky example of why politics is America’s greatest spectator sport.

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Bassel Abdul-Amir Saad

Bassel Abdul-Amir Saad does what every good coward does after a lethal sucker punch. He runs away.

Soccer meets MMA

While it is popular at American sporting events to yell, “kill the ump,” most common sense folks know it is just a saying when a few inadequate referees and umpires think – for example — baseball’s strike zone spans the entire space between the stratosphere and six-feet-under – which is where some zealous fans would like to put them in the figurative sense but certainly not literally.  Not so Bassel Abdul-Amir Saad of Dearborn Michigan. During an adult soccer game in June 2014, Mr. Saad thought he was about to be ejected from the game, so he punched referee John Bieniewicz so hard he killed him dead. This places Saad in a class of jerks just below fans who toss projectiles at referees and umpires. Don’t even ask about parents at junior soccer, baseball and other games who try to throw a punch if they think their precious child has been judged harshly.
http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/201407022357/NEWS02/307020136

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Eric Shinseki

Image

“Next.”

The sitting Secretary of Veterans Affairs is merely the poster boy for all the jerks in congress and elsewhere who sit on their wallets and refuse to spend more money on the men and women who fight our wars when they come home. This despicable lack of interest is not new. It goes back to every war the United States of America has fought – including our own Revolutionary War. Americans are very good at waving the flag and banging the drum for our soldiers when the fighting starts, but not so good at providing the funding necessary to treat the troops when they come home. Medal of Honor recipient Jack Jacobs has the answer. Just provide our vets with excellent health insurance and allow them to access private sector health care. Eric comes off the Jerk list when he convinces congress to do that. Good luck Eric.

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