Perhaps it’s time to give up and admit traveling in jetliners is a transportation form that has been conquered by stupid people. “Fights on Flights” is our trademarked suggestion for an idea that might be a boon to the airlines as they combine the excitement of professional wrestling with the growing number of angry passengers who now take out their rage on innocent flight attendants. Spectators who do not wish to participate can wager on these matches at the ticket counter as they book their favorite pro wrestler along with their flight. And the amateur wrestlers themselves will be paid in food. That’s right! Meal service returns in the form of jello and/or gravy to be sprayed on those who participate. And premier flights would star headline-quality pro wrestlers who will beat the crap out of any passenger who touches a flight attendant. We would love to book a fight flight where a peevish son-of-a-bitch passenger, angry over some imagined slight, would get the shit kicked out of him by Man Mountain Maynard — a name we made up to represent all the heroes of pro wrestling who would surely volunteer for this good work. And if Man Mountain Maynard really exists, we would like to book a flight where he is the headliner and cheer him on. Jet cabins will be quickly cleaned between flights with high pressure water hoses spraying a mixture of H2O and Lysol. So you see this plan also considers Hygiene and “Hi Gene” (A Famous Wrestling Announcer in case you are not currently a fan.) Of course, people could just start behaving themselves, but that may be something just too wild and crazy to consider.
Despicable Jerks 