This Nebraska State Senator crossed a couple of lines when he included the names of two other senators while reading passages from a book depicting sexual assault. Even some of his fellow Republicans were calling for him to resign or face censure. Others simply want to ban him from banning books. But we’re in a helpful mood today and we’re giving Senator Halloran a simple exercise to prevent a recurrence of his behavior. Since we are not personally familiar with anything in his personal life, our exercise is generic.
The next time the Senator feels compelled to use the name of a colleague when reading from one of the books from his private library he should first try using one of these generic lines. For example, if the actual line is:
“Montague grabbed Jezabel’s ass.”
Try one of these names to replace “Jezabel’s ass:”
Mom’s ass
Dad’s ass
My ass
With that, Senator Halloran we say, “You’re welcome.”
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Despicable Jerks 