When the New York Daily News reported this: “U.S. Rep. Steve King of western Iowa responded to hundreds of thousands of people marching in the streets against gun violence by mocking the survivors of the Parkland school shooting,” we thought about the famous author Stephen King (No relation we hope). Stephen King lives in a scenic part of Maine and often sets his stories in peaceful settings where unexpected tragedy occurs. Steve King lives in a scenic part of Iowa and mocks kids who lived through a real horror story in a place where unexpected tragedy should never occur. Stephen King has written many horror stories. Steve King Is a horror story. Stephen King wrote It about a very mean clown. Steve King Is a very mean clown. We could go on and on, but you get the idea. Stephen King is actually a pretty nice guy who has played in a rock and roll band with creative guys like Dave Barry. Steve King is a loathsome jerk who would sell his soul for a vote. He may have already done so, which could be a pretty good plot for Stephen King to consider.
The most ghastly of these despicable jerks is, of course, Dr. Larry Nasser, the Michigan State University sports physician who sexually abused little girls and young women participating in gymnastics for nearly 20 years without MSU taking any action against him. A special prosecutor is now at work to find all the faculty perps who apparently ignored what was going on. Two MSU big shots — President Lou Anna Simon and Athletic Director Mark Hollis – have quit and The Detroit News is reporting there are 14 more officials who received reports of misconduct and apparently ignored them over the last two decades. How far this reaches into U.S. Gymnastics is also “being probed” – a phrase with which Dr. Nasser is disturbingly familiar. Here’s an idea… When all the villains are unmasked, let’s send them to Dr. Nasser in prison to be fondled, massaged and probed for eternity. Dr. Nasser’s task will be more difficult while he’s afflicted with his own punishment — a pommel horse shoved up his ass.
“They call me turkey. What do they call you?”
Here’s wishing salmonella poisoning to all the jerks who confuse “foul” with “fowl” and refuse to limit their appetite for breasts, legs and thighs to Thanksgiving Day, or to a non-human food species. And while we’re at it, what’s with all the so-called Christians backing Judge Roy Moore in Alabama? Do they sing, “Onward Christian Fondlers” on Sundays? Among the things we can be thankful for is living in a nation where — to paraphrase a bit — the wheels of justice grind slowly, but they grind exceedingly fine.
“I’m ready for your closeup, Miss DeMille”.
Even Harvey admits he is a despicable jerk — falling just short of confessing he calls his penis “Miramax.” Many questions remain unanswered. For example, how many other Hollywood moguls are equally despicable? How does the liberal bastion that comprises most of the film industry explain why Harvey’s behavior went unchallenged for so many years? How much of the ten bucks I spent to see Pulp Fiction went to the starlet hush fund? These questions, and more, are likely to go unanswered in a nation that elected a president who laughs about grabbing women by the pussy.
Pro choice? Pro life? Pro Tim.
Sometimes these jerk entries just write themselves. Take the case of Tim Murphy, the hard line pro life conservative congressman who advised his mistress to abort their unborn child — even before discovering she was not really pregnant. Go on. Take it. Please.
“Whoever you are, whatever you are for gosh sakes you need to be under cover.
Back to you, Al”
Everyone bitches at the reporters who stand in hurricane-force winds while warning everyone else to seek shelter. So, are the reporters “Jerks?”
As usual, nothing is as simple as it first appears.
Years ago, during the O.J. Simpson trial, a noted journalist talked to a civic club and was asked why the cable channels had nothing but O.J. stuff.
The journalist said, “It’s because you people lie. You say you don’t want to see the O.J. stuff, but cable news channels with instant rating reports watch the audience needle drop like a rock whenever we switch to what you might think would be more ‘newsy’ news. You vote for O.J. coverage just by what you choose to watch.”
The same is true for live-on-the-scene reports. People complain, but every survey shows it’s what they really want.
Hell, it’s what WE want. That’s why WE watch.
So the next time you are watching the reporter getting the shit blown out of him or her and want to complain, remember, you are the jerk for choosing to watch. It goes to the heart of our Despicable Jerks motto: “People are no damn good.”