Harvey Weinstein

Harvey204“I’m ready for your closeup, Miss DeMille”.
Even Harvey admits he is a despicable jerk — falling just short of confessing he calls his penis “Miramax.” Many questions remain unanswered. For example, how many other Hollywood moguls are equally despicable? How does the liberal bastion that comprises most of the film industry explain why Harvey’s behavior went unchallenged for so many years? How much of the ten bucks I spent to see Pulp Fiction went to the starlet hush fund? These questions, and more, are likely to go unanswered in a nation that elected a president who laughs about grabbing women by the pussy.
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Tim Murphy

Tim Murphy
Pro choice? Pro life? Pro Tim.
Sometimes these jerk entries just write themselves.  Take the case of Tim Murphy, the hard line pro life conservative congressman who advised his mistress to abort their unborn child — even before discovering she was not really pregnant.  Go on.  Take it.  Please.
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Weather Watchers

weather man187

“Whoever you are, whatever you are for gosh sakes you need to be under cover.

Back to you, Al”

Everyone bitches at the reporters who stand in hurricane-force winds while warning everyone else to seek shelter.  So, are the reporters “Jerks?”

No.

As usual, nothing is as simple as it first appears.

Years ago, during the O.J. Simpson trial, a noted journalist talked to a civic club and was asked why the cable channels had nothing but O.J. stuff.

The journalist said, “It’s because you people lie.  You say you don’t want to see the O.J. stuff, but cable news channels with instant rating reports watch the audience needle drop like a rock whenever we switch to what you might think would be more ‘newsy’ news. You vote for O.J. coverage just by what you choose to watch.”

The same is true for live-on-the-scene reports.  People complain, but every survey shows it’s what they really want.

Hell, it’s what WE want.  That’s why WE watch.

So the next time you are watching the reporter getting the shit blown out of him or her and want to complain, remember, you are the jerk for choosing to watch. It goes to the heart of our Despicable Jerks motto: “People are no damn good.”

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Kim Jong-un

Kim Jung Yuk181It’s not safe to play with matches.

The dearest of the dear leaders of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea is not only Earth’s biggest jerk, he is the most dangerous. To the untrained eye the answer seems simple, just get China to lean on him. But, China can’t lean too hard or it will be flooded by refugees — either because of unequaled famine in an already famine-stricken nation, or because war breaks out. When North Korea is defeated in that war, China would likely have a unified Korea on its border — a unified Korea that would be an American Ally. Even worse, a war could drag in China and/or Russia. Living with a nuclear North Korea could eventually see the Hermit Kingdom develop enough nuclear tipped missiles to take out a whole bunch of American cities in a single strike. A North Korea without Kim is also a bad idea — leading to civil war among the generals there and that flood of refugees into China. There is one ray of hope. War is messy and bad for business. Perhaps the angels of greed and avarice will eventually prevail to save us, or…perhaps you should invite the Mormons or the Jehovah’s Witnesses in the next time they knock on your door.

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The Mooch

Mooch165The creative team behind this website has been waiting their entire careers for Anthony Scaramucci to come along.  “The Mooch” was the gift that promised to keep on giving. We looked forward to many more graphic, colorful, obscene insights to the inner workings of the Trump administration – which began with his recent description of fellow Trumpista Steve Bannon as a gentleman who could twist himself in a gymnastic maneuver designed to pleasure himself in ways not immediately obvious to the Washington Press Corps. So what happens?  He’s fired already.  Gone too soon. Another broken promise by President Trump. We’ve exhausted every effort to get this posted on the Despicable Jerks website before everyone forgets who “The Mooch” was. Alas, we hardly knew ya.

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Governor Chris Christie

Christy140
“Thar he blows!”
When New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was seen enjoying time on a beach he closed to the public because of the state’s failure to pass a budget, we thought it was a joke. But when asked about it, Christie was unapologetic. Does the governor understand how dangerous it is for him to appear for all the world as a Great White politician — beached and waiting for the ambergris poachers to tap his rich bodily fluids. His actions have caused taxpayers to view him as a greater Dick than Moby. In a perfect world he might have received a miserable sunburn, inflicted by a vengeful God who would rename him Chris “Crispy” and cause his ambergris to fund a reasonable budget for the good people of New Jersey.
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Unfriendly Skies

United-airlines-Come-Back-Soon-copy-480x480

The sad news, his luggage probably made it.

Jerk-lovers everywhere rejoiced with the news United Airlines had dragged a seated passenger off one of their jets to make room for crew members needed at other airports.  So many jerk targets.  So little time. So let us offer this simple rule for all modern airlines – and also those few “Morlock” airlines. If a paying passenger with a ticket has boarded a plane and is in his or her seat – leave him or her the hell alone. We understand the need to ferry crew members to move air traffic, but if you need the seat, make the decision BEFORE the ticket-holder boards the plane and checks a bag. Otherwise, the burden’s on you to find a way to get crews where they are needed. Perhaps FEDEX could help you figure this out.

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