“Take a seat, honey.”
Okay, this brings up a touchy topic for a site where acting like a jerk is not only respected, but is revered in the same sense America’s First Amendment is revered. So how do we get off blasting folks like the guy who spread a fake news story about Hillary Clinton and a supposed child trafficking pizza shop or the total jerk who decided to call out Ivanka Trump face to face on a public airliner? That’s not to mention the person who ruined the holidays for your entire family by bringing up the election of 2016. Here’s how. In the unlikely event there are rules to insulting people, the first should be not insulting the kids of someone who happens to be a jerk – particularly face to face where the kid’s kids are present.
This means employing what the men and women in our Nation’s military call, “Situational Awareness.” You can bitch and moan in front of like-minded folks, but otherwise don’t ruin a party to make your point. (This might apply to the well-meaning cast of “Hamilton” the next time Mike Pence buys a ticket to see your fabulous show.)
So again, how do we get off blasting the folks we call “inappropriate jerks?” Here’s how. You came to us. You bought our book or you view this site because you enjoy what we’ve always called “a highly opinionated, totally bogus representation of the most egregious modern examples of both the common and the rich and powerful who demean others while enriching themselves.”
You knew when you came here that this site is created in that same loathsome spirit and is meant to be all in fun but not fun for all. Teddy Roosevelt’s kid, Alice Roosevelt Longworth said it best. “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.” So to our fellow jerks who read this, thanks for coming over and sitting next to us – but leave the kids and the family alone and behave yourself in public.
McGree? We thought it was McGREEDY.
It’s almost too easy to villainize a guy whose name rhymes with “Simon Legree,” the infamous evil character in Uncle Tom’s Cabin. In a spurt of excellent journalism The Omaha World-Herald reported McGree had turned the time honored non-profit Goodwill Industries into a cash cow for friends and relatives. Goodwill’s reputation for operating thrift stores selling donated items and employing disabled and needy job-seekers was buried by the paper’s revelation the stores had collected four million dollars in revenue last year while only spending $557,000 on job programs. The rest of the profits were largely inhaled by lavish executive pay. McGree and eight of his top managers alone split $1.8 million of those profits. Fourteen other executives and managers made over a hundred thousand dollars a year. That group included McGree’s daughter and the daughter-in-law of a Goodwill board member. McGree has resigned in disgrace despite his defiant defense of his work. Like the lyrics to Tom Lehrer’s song “The Old Dope Peddler,” this jerk claims he was only “doing well by doing good.”
“You need lipstick”
Appearing in this website for an unprecedented third time, this Despicable Jerk has proven to be so vile and ghastly he has given a thumbs up to calling his own daughter “a piece of ass,” and casting doubt on thousands of independent, hard-working, honest election commissioners – both Republicans and Democrats – by saying the 2016 presidential election is rigged. The word “ass” has not been used so liberally since Bogus Party candidate Blasphemer X. Phuckhead’s infamous 1924 campaign. Back then Calvin Coolidge kicked Phuckhead’s ass by promising a chicken in every pot – while Phuckhead promised to shove a chicken up his opponent’s ass. Donald Trump has made political history by eclipsing such conduct in a whirlwind of slime and slander. Perhaps the most telling effect on this election is that he has accomplished what many people thought was impossible – making Hillary Clinton look good.
Nebraska State Senator Bill Kintner is an ultra-conservative Bible-thumping Tea-Party-proud American always posing under a photo of Ronald Reagan. He also is the guy who used his state-issued laptop computer to have video sex with a woman who later tried to blackmail him. Despicable Jerks just don’t get any sillier. Nebraska Governor Pete Ricketts and most of the legislature want him to resign. He refuses because he apparently believes masturbating with a whore over Skype is a God given right – not subject to common decency or Nebraska law covering use of state property. We’d also like him to stay in office. Who knows what new perversions he will commit while President Reagan watches over his shoulder? He may be the only state senator who is consistently good copy.
In lust we trust
Three of a kind
A trio of jerks has conspired to drag civilization back at least a century, rip off its clothes and then make a frickin’ mockery of it. First there’s Stanford student Brock Turner who was convicted of sexually assaulting an unconscious woman. (Good Lord — Unconscious?!?!?!) Next Stanford educated Judge Aaron Persky ignored the prosecutors request that Brock be sentenced to six years in prison and only gave him six months in county lockup followed by probation saying he feared, ” a prison sentence would have a severe impact on him.” (Really? We should hope he would learn a lesson if, like his victim, he experienced trepidation in prison at the risk he might be raped after being knocked unconscious.) And finally, Brock’s dad — a Stanford parent who called his little boy’s antics, “20 minutes of action.” We wonder if he would have used those words if it was an unconscious daughter involved with one of Brock’s buddies. And all of this is aside from our suspicion that if Brock had been a member of a minority group from, say, East L.A. he would be collecting Social Security before his release from prison — just as guilty, just as worthy of jail time — but three times as punished.
Possession is 9/10ths of the flaw
My goodness gracious sakes alive! Just when you thought it was safe to look at the internet USA Today reports bidding underway in an online auction for the gun George Zimmerman used to kill Trayvon Martin. The high number was up to $65 million on a bright 2016 morning in May – Friday the 13th by the way. Bids on the 9 mm Kel-Tec PF-9 pistol began at $5,000 and had reached more than $65 million in short order. The top bidder used the screen name (and we are not making this up) “Racist McShootface.” So the question becomes, “Who is the biggest jerk, George or the guy who buys George’s Tec 9?”
These jerks come in two extreme categories – Bicycle Haters and Motor Vehicle Haters.Both flourish in the springtime. Bicycle Haters believe the roadways were built for them alone and hate the slow-moving spandex-covered clowns who should limit their exercise to stationary bikes at the gym. Meantime, Motor Vehicle Haters can be pompous snobs who actually believe they are cutting America’s use of petroleum by riding directly in the middle of a busy traffic lane in rush hour with something like 90-thousand trucks and cars moving at bicycle speeds and burning fuel like a Hummer in the summer. Referred to as “Beesa-Cleesists” by some, they clog major streets during rush hour and seem to be proud of it. For their part, angry motorists always feel bad after they’ve squashed a Bessacleesist. The answer, of course, is common sense and courtesy – rare commodities in Anno Domini 2016.