A distant ancestor of the original Scrooge, Ebenezer VII has yet to learn compassion, generosity and kindness. Like his famous relative, he believes the business of mankind is business and has his fingers in many questionable financial deals. Often asked about the original Scrooge, Ebenezer VII says, “He ended up a weak sister. Tiny Tim was a drag on society who deserved an early death lest he grow up and campaign for National Healthcare. Bob Cratchit should have been fired earlier and his whole family sent to work houses. And what about those guys collecting money for charity? Are there no Pit Bulls? Are there no Rottweilers?” Due to layoffs and a poor economy, Ebenezer VII will only receive one spirit visit this season – the Ghost of Christmas Pissed.